My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
