I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize