the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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