were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
