I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
