wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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