Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
