he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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