who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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