i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
