she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
