but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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