you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
