I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You did what with his pubic hair?
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