If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
