Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
