You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my poor anus
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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