Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
