It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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