there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
time to smoke my breakfast
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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