Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i came on her dog
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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