so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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