Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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