thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
