I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
