I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize