The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
