I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
