hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
