I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
