I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
