$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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