Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
