matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
