What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
