Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize