this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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