He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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