I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
