THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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