Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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