We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
