I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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