whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
