This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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