I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
