Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
