Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
