I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
