Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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