Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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