Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
