Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
