He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
