It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
