i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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