How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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