In America we eat man semen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
