Im at strip club and am horny
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
