Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
