It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
