My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize