I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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