I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
