Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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