walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
