So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
