Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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