The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
