This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
