Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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