I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize