they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
