I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
