I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
