Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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