He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
