The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
