Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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