I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
two words: eviction party
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
