It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
