dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
