glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
