Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
