I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize