i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
