Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
