tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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