I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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