I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize