Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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