What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize