His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
