I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
