wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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