Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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