i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
