How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
