the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize