Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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