as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
