i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
