they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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