his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
