I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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