I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
