Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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