I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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