Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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