he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize