i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
