Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize