Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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