mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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