I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
