my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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